Milonga Blues • The Morning After

At present, we do not have a milonga in my city. Dancers who pass through our little “drop in” dance group want one, but they don’t stay with us to dance on until we have a large enough dance family to host a milonga.  We are less than 10 on the dance floor.

To the story. 

I am always glad to get a ride to an out of town milonga, although sometimes this dance gathering can be an emotional roller coaster.

To become better at dancing Argentine Tango, one must dance Argentine Tango! One would think this truth would engender a bit of compassion for new dancers. For some people this is not true. 

To become better at Argentine Tango, it is best to dance with as many partners as possible so that you may improve your skills, create new body memories, challenge yourself and sometimes, have some of those magic moments of connection that make all the lessons and the practise vanish in the glow of a great tanda. 

It is customary in milonga culture for the leader (regardless of gender) to ask the follower to dance. I always suggest new dancers go to a milonga with dance friends from your own town.  

This way, if you don’t get asked for any dances from the local group you have someone to talk to or if you go with someone who will partner you, you know you will have tanda.*

It is customary to have three dances with each partner. The good news there is that even if you are off to a rocky start by the third dance you will have learned a bit more about each other by the third song.  

The bad news is that if you are stuck with a Tango bully, you have only two choices. You can swallow your pride, pray no one is watching and stick it out, or you can say “Thank You” and that should be the signal for the leader to take you back to your seat. 

Last milonga I attended was wonderful in so many ways. The host was very welcoming, offered a nice class to show a new step, and played fantastic music! Most every set brought dancers to the floor. 

Was I at my best? Not at all, however, I won’t become a better dancer if I don’t dance.  I had not been to a milonga for many (more that 4) months. I go to practica weekly and work on balance, posture, leading, following - all the basics as best I can however that is not the same as a fine dance party.   

At a milonga, everyone is nicely dressed, there may be wine, snacks, socializing with Tango friends or Facebook friends you have never met in person. A milonga can be a very happy social event with dancing! 

Here is the rub. There are often very well trained dancers there. Many of those dancers have been dancing for decades. Many have the money for private lessons which are very, very helpful. Privates can cost $75 an hour or more depending on the skill level and experience of the teacher. 

Many are able to go to Tango Weekends (again hundreds of dollars in class fees, hotels and travel costs put this out of the reach of many) and become even better dancers! Many are blessed to have a regular dance partner!

So, given that you may walk into a dance party with dancers of all skill levels, you can only do your best. 

A good leader will be aware of the skill level of his or her partner right away.  If an experienced leader chooses a new follower, that leader, if gracious, will accommodate the follower so that he or she can have a pleasant tanda.* 

To my mind, a milonga is best if those attending are willing to help new dancers improve as kindly and as gently as possible. One of the complaints I hear most often about Argentine Tango is that Argentine Tango dancers are condescending snobs.

I understand the complaint, and while I would not use that language, there are dancers who are so ill mannered that they really can crush a newcomer so badly that the new dancer does not want to come back! 

If you are new, and you are lucky, you will get a first dance with an experienced partner who helps you look good on the dance floor. That first dance may well determine your future for the evening. A kind partner will help you look good, will be present with, and will enjoy the music for the duration of the tanda. Others will see you at your best and may ask for a dance.

If you get a bully or a brat, you may not dance again that night. A demanding partner who holds what ever peculiar value, can make you look as if you have never danced before, as if you are incapable of an embrace, as if you have no skills and be emotionally cold all at once! 

I am still recovering from my encounter with a “Tango bully” at my last milonga. It was just awful. 

I only have three years experience, and my left foot wasn’t as strong as should have been due to turn on uneven pavement, and…………  but none of my short comings should matter.

I have no idea why my leader would not embrace me. (We were on am moving dance floor!). I attempted to step in to and embrace, but he stood there. I was instructed (never to be done on the dance floor) that I had to set the tone of the embrace. That I had to decide how closely I wanted to dance. 

Eventually we embraced, but it seemed to take hours to do so. I believe it was only three or four steps before my leader stopped, attempted to adjust the embrace, dropped my right hand… embraced again and four steps later the entire routine of disapproving my my embrace and posture was repeated. He would jiggle my right arm to indicate displeasure with the tension? 

This kind of stopping & attempting to adjust me in one way of the other went on for two songs. I have never been treated this way. I was embarrassed at best. Yet I made the conscious decision to remain. I stayed smiling, present, willing to learn what ever lesson was at hand and silently praying to the gods of Tango that at some moment my leader would either get over himself or return me to my seat. 

I had lost the inner composure to be able to walk away graciously. I was rather heartbroken. So, at the end of this disaster, he informed me that we did not dance well together. ( surprise! ) Perhaps he was one of those who thinks a person should only come to a milonga when they are somehow perfect at the dance. 

Perhaps he is accustomed to close embrace and cannot dance in salon style comfortably? Perhaps he has danced with his partner so long that he is accustomed to a certain style? I really have no idea why he was so condescending to me. We could have just walked a Tango. 

Luckily my dance friend had a fan and I could cover my face and my embarrassment to some degree. After that escapade I was fairly sure no one would ask me to dance again and it was early in the night. 

New followers, especially those who do really want to dance, who really want to learn and improve should be encouraged by leaders in my opinion. 

New leaders who are challenged to interpret music, their follower, mind the floor and Tango are worthy of applause in my opinion. This is a hard dance to learn. 

I recovered in short order. A visit to the powder room gave me the mental health break I needed to carry on. A milonga can last two or three hours. In many towns  there are more followers than leaders (seems in some cultures “Men don’t dance.”)  so women in my State are learning to lead as a matter of necessity. 

In my city women must lead if there is going to be any dancing at all. I confess I have been dancing lead weekly for the past three or four months and was looking forward to refreshing my skills as a follower. 

Luckily, as I have attended that milonga before leaders who knew me asked for some dances and I left feeling as if my dancing needed improvement. In Argentine Tango I am pretty sure that will always be the case. 

As a facilitator (not a teacher) in my Tango barren city I know that encouragement, reinforcing the best in a dancer, noticing improvements goes so much farther than scorn. Scorn and disdain really do not belong on the floor of a milonga. 

So, if you are a new follower and find yourself sitting at the milonga, consider my story and know that we can learn by watching, and being unasked may sometimes  be a blessing in disguise. 

Ever forward! 

PS:  All is forgiven of course. I am responsible for my own emotions, and that dance just hit me on a hard day.  

Sometimes it seems that people don’t stop to think that dancers come to milonga to enjoy themselves, to have some fun, to make some human connection. 

Sometimes we come for a moment of magic after a hard week, a death in the family, a disaster in the workplace. In other words we come and hope to leave our sorrows at the door!

Having experienced 6 minutes of correction & “education” on the dance floor I will not expand that experience to be relevant to Argentine Tango. I had too many fine moments with kind people and patient dancers to make that error. 

To all who have experienced the disdain of an “accomplished” dancer….. please keep dancing. Yes, those moments are hurtful, but the good dances yet to come are worth it. 

A “tanda” is a set of three Tango songs that are similar in style and tempo.  

Argentine Tango - Breakthroughs in Awareness on a Tuesday Evening

Four people came to dance Argentine Tango on Tuesday night, two ladies and a gentleman. I facilitate as “she who has been dancing longest” as best I can. I learn so much every time we workshop and Tuesday we all had breakthroughs and awakenings of all kinds. 

As a child I picked up the habit of paying strict attention to what was before me to study. Regardless of the subject, I realized that the words of teaching were the backdrop for the realization of the experience of the lesson. 

I have learned much about Argentine Tango by actively watching the masters at dance. I have learned by watching myself practice dance in mirrors. I am excited now that by sharing and helping others learn that I am helped to improve my Tango as well as my ability to articulate and thus to grasp essences of the dance that I could not previously express. 

I hold an open floor in a large city that may well remain “The Desert” for this lovely walking dance. We have become a stable group of four - perhaps 5 for the moment. If you stumbled across this blog, and have no visual reference to Argentine Tango, I will include a dance at page end for your review. 

Some of us have good dance shoes, most are dancing in socks or a street shoe that makes the learning all the more difficult. Still, we carry on. Of course I do hope everyone will be able to manage to have dance shoes in the near future so that only good muscle memory is developed, but we work with what we have. I do think that a good shoe will help those who are falling off balance improve. 

I am very pleased that in group all are welcome. We have leaders and followers and any gender may dance with any gender. I dance lead more often than not, I dance follower to help a new lead understand the impact of their movements. The women in our group dance with each other more often than not, learning both lead and follow. 

I have strayed from the topic of the breakthroughs. 

Once dancer learned that at present close embrace is the best posture for dancing. Close embrace enables a more secure connection, and as this dancers balance is not yet well established, nor the idea of the axis has not yet been made fully clear (I know it takes time to find, and then time to perfect the ability to remain on axis throughout a dance) close embrace makes it easier to lead and follow. 

One dancer realized that when posture is erect, is tall, the spine is elongated that there is more room to take a long back step. This dancer had not fully appreciated the benefit of being “upright”. So - we had a bit of dance as to see why there was trouble in a lead and follow moment. 

I invited the dancer to “be tall.” To extend her body upward and to dance as if suspended from the ceiling by a string. Instantly, that dancers Tango improved. She was much easier to lead… her back step was a lovely glide. There was no hesitation as she was able to “hear” the lead, or you could say to feel the lead. 

This subtle lifting of her carriage made a great difference, and the she was able to realize, to take to the bone, the words that all of us hear time and again when taking our beginner lessons. 

The final awakening was mine - although I shared this with another dancer. We woke up to the same idea each in a different way. The concept was “The Connnection”. 

When leading, I kept “losing” her. I could not “feel” her present with me, and so I could not lead her, nor could she follow. Problem solving this matter, with his dancer as all are different, took some time and challenged me to be able to express connection in better English that I have used in the past. 

In the past I spoke in energetic terms…. but this was not helpful for her. 

To Teach/Learn/Establish connection it was necessary to demonstrate the physicality of the embrace, the importance of being present, of being in someones space, of holding and feeling held. So we had to work on “noodle arms” and to fix the passive embrace where the follower was only physically there - not engaged, not connected, not willing or able to be willing to listen.

So as we danced I had to point out that the follower had “lost the connection.” Her question was “How did I do that? “ I won’t type out for you all the language I used to describe connection, the goal of it, the purpose of it……. but I will share that the language I found that worked for us - that made the point clear is this.

“Connection is the distance that both dancers agree to keep between themselves.” I went on to say that this could be as few a no inches, or 4 inches, 12 inches etc.,  but that what ever distance was created in the embrace once that embrace was established as comfortable for both, was the connection distance. Now - as we were only working on walking as a couple, please know that his statement was given in that context to enable that dancer to stay present with that leader. 

(I do realize that many come to the dance floor with PTSD issues, and that it can take time for a dancer to establish trust in the embrace.  I hope all teachers remember that we come to Tango without shoes, from a history of violence or verbal humiliation, from a place where holding is not at all natural. )

This statement about a measurable fact worked. Of course it did not speak to the emotion between dancers, the magic of the artistic connection, however, those ideas were not critical on Tuesday night. 

So - she was able to be mindful of distance, and in so doing to feel the connection for the first time. I was a able to realize that esoteric talk about an emotional/physical event was not always useful and to add a new description to my efforts. 

I thank all my teachers!! 

Please know - I am not at all an Argentine Tango dance instructor… I remain "she with most time on the floor" and am still hoping for a partner. 5’ 6” to 5’ 8” would be lovely. 

SOLA - Are We Ever Dancing Alone?

This past Tuesday evening most all the members of "Argentine Tango Dancers Jacksonville" sent notes to say they would not be dancing.  There are a few dancers who drop in and out, a couple that dances when able, and a few professional people who often work late, so I never know if they're coming out to dance or not. 

Our practica is listed on MeetUp and I am always as ready to be surprised by visiting dancers as I am to enjoy an hours practice on an open floor should no one come to join me. 

(I do find it incredible that in this very large town that I am often the only dancer willing to come out for  practica. I hear rumors of Argentine Tango dancers existing out there.........)

When I made the decision to hold an open floor every week for Argentine Tango in Jacksonville, Florida,  I knew that it was quite likely that there would be more than one evening where I would be the only dancer. 

It seemed last Tuesday evening would be one of those times - then the best of all possible things happened... Facebook dance friends I had not yet met wrote to say that they would be passing through town and asked if they might drop in for a practica or a lesson or a milonga!  

I have had most fortunate dances just like this! Someone passing through town, an experienced dancer from Miami stops in to check out the scene, or a sailor stationed for just a week or so finds us Facebook or MeetUp and walks on in ready to dance! 

I have shared some marvelous Tandas with these wandering dancers. They keep my hope alive! What hope? That there will be an Argentine Tango dance family here! That this city will host a monthly milonga! I need to believe that. 

Tuesday was a lovely night to walk down to the dance studio. Cool for Florida, just after a rain, magical and melancholy all at once. It was perfect for Tango and a fine night for meeting new friends. 

I miscalculated the time it took to walk down to the Studio and arrived just a bit early. Ever hopeful I waited to meet Ace & Paprika. 

I was setting up music when a lovely couple walked in ready to Tango. 

They were willing to take a lesson, and once I discovered that I might have a few more years floor time in Argentine Tango I was willing to share what I have been fortunate to learn. 

Muscle memory is critical in this dance for warm ups, for balance, for posture and collection and I was glad to have all mine on hand. 

So - what did we do? We do what all good dancers do, we warmed up. We workshopped. We shared how we danced and what we knew. 

I have no ballroom training, which is a fine advantage for Argentine Tango - an improvisational dance that is driven by the music, the emotions, and the energetic connection between dancers. 

All of us worked to establish connection, to perfect that energetic union by dancing without the embrace. I could go on to give a moment by moment account of the evening, but all the details would diminish what for me is the best part of becoming a Tanguera.

What is that? It is meeting and dancing and connecting with people who love the dance as much as I. Those who have practiced, who are familiar with steps and ready to share and move and explore all the explosions and pauses and embellishments that are Tango. 

Those of us who love this dance Must Dance this dance. It becomes as vital to well being as a good nights rest. Myself, I don’t like to go a day without practice, a week without a class an a month without a Milonga.

I send best wishes to the traveling members of my dance family everywhere!  

Abrazos, 

La bailarina de Tango solitaria esta noche

That Ocho Cortado Class! Lessons Learned While Leading

In this very, very large small city/town where I live, there is, to my knowledge, only one drop in Tango floor in town. We are that floor! We are not a ballroom, there are no packages to buy. We dancers with a floor inviting all to come Tango with us.

It is lovely as we learn, practice and grow together. We workshop Argentine Tango. As I have had countless Argentine Tango beginners classes, love the dance, practice at home and come from a dance background - by default - I lead the workshops.

However I learn so much every class and every dance I remain a perpetual student. As such, I had the best experience/lesson in the art of “showing up” to dance last week I want to share it. 

In the Argentine Tango, the embrace is the foundation of communication. There are no other cues or clues. This is one reason this Tango is so exciting. Both dancers must be present, out of themselves, not thinking, not analyzing, not worrying about how they look or if they are “doing it right.”  Being present is the only way to accomplish all of the aforementioned concerns.

If both dancers are present and have learned the fundamental principles of movement, dancing happens. Argentine Tango happened because each person hears the music, feels the music, and either leads or follows to the music of Argentine Tango.

(Yes, you can dance to non traditional Tango music, and sometimes I like this very much! In fact I may share a video of that embodies one of the best follower walks I have seen and a seemingly effortless lead at blogs end.) 

Back to the story! We were workshopping the ocho cortado and realized that a new dancer had never seen the “Basic” or the “Basic Eight” pattern before. Many teachers do not want to teach the pattern, and some find it a very useful tool to help new students become familiar with the movements necessary to dance Argentine Tango. 

After a review of the Basic, the ocho cortado was next. I danced lead and a dancer (she is well trained as a dancer in other styles - a dancer to the bone kind of dancer) stepped into my embrace. 

I had opened my right arm to allow her to enter my space and presented my left hand as a support. Then the magic of connection happened. She placed her had in my hand with presence. I knew she was there, and ready to dance. 

How did I know I that? How did that connection happen?

There was just enough attention/tension and pressure as she placed her hand in mine that I was able to place my hand with hers with tension/pressure and the connection was made. I knew where she was. Further, as I gently wrapped my arm around her space - rather as a vase creates space for a flower - I let my right forearm and hand rest very, very gently on her upper back, just around the shoulder blade.

She could feel me, and as her posture was excellent, and she could feel my arm as a presence. That was all the embrace needed for her to hear me and for me to know where she was in the dance. Of course the dance was beginning. We had not yet taken a step!

It was from this connected embrace - salon style or open embrace  - that I learned to lead and she to follow the ocho cortado.  We choose to do the step with the leader offering a parada. It looks good, and as a beginning leader dancing with beginning dancers, we need a bit of flare when we can get it. 

The Ocho Cortado is a step that requires listening, leading, following, timing and for the follower the ability to “cross”  ( I may add two videos to this blog - one of my favorite ocho cortado video and the other of a fine dance.)  

Did I mention that I learned that I sometimes was dancing with “noodle arms?”. I did learn that. I could not have really internalized the lesson without having a fine embrace with a present follower. I had hear the critique in classes as a follower - but did not know quite how to fix it. I didn’t realize that noodle arms are a symptom of not willing to be in connection, or not knowing how. Perhaps not feeling invited in? 

For everyone reading, please know that in this dance there are leaders and followers. Men may dance with men, women with women, men with women…… it really doesn’t matter. What matters is Tango Argentina. So please feel welcome, should you be in Jacksonville Florida in a Tuesday night to look us up!! 

We have a  Facebook Page with far more members than dancers - so don’t worry! There is room for you. 

Abrazos, 

“Miss Ann”

Lessons Learned Exploring the Ocho Cortado

I am a very fortunate woman. Always a dancer, I have finally found that dance that I always new was out there…… waiting for me. It is the Argentine Tango. 

It pleases me, entices me, and as I explore it, practicing the basics, I am becoming more balanced, more self-aware and more in love with a new music.  Tonight I was delighted by this Tango in the perfection of the physics of the demands of the walking of it. 

As it happened, a dancer in our group wanted to learn the Ocho Cortado. Properly done this step sequence is a delight to me. This move enables the leader to “show off” the follower - to flaunter her and to delight her with a move that is visually beautiful, and when properly done - in time to the music - an exhilaration to follow. It can be breath taking.

What is most fascinating at this moment, home from class, is that in showing this movement and all aspects of it, I am so impressed with the perfection of the structure of learning this dance. 

The basics of the walk are crucial to dancing his sequence. To be “one footed”,  to be in anticipation as a follower and in confident balance as a leader are critical to the successful completion of the movement.

To be on ones axis or “axe” is critical. To flow and to pivot are necessary. To be able to walk with another so that they may step into your foot steps is vital. 

Wandering off, pulling your partner off balance, anticipating the leader, being reluctant to commit to your step as a follower (all Basics of the dance) are flaws that must be address and rectified. 

I find as a leader that building physical trust with a follower is a wonderful thing. I feel honored, and moved when the follower relaxes in my arms, trusting that I do “have her”, that I will move with her, inviting her, leading her, careful of her so that she does not stumble, fall off balance, dancing so that she is able to “hear” me as we make art together.

To lead the Ocho Cortado and have followers be delighted and surprised was a joy. I could see them feel the challenge and they challenged me back! I danced with three followers and followed one leader tonight. 

Each follower expressed the ocho cortado differently, and this is another piece of the pleasure of an improvisational dance. So we workshopped that movement.  All of us.

It was in the workshopping - isolating the rock step, the parada and checking that side step that we all overcame small frustrations we may have had in not being able to do it “right” the first time. I am sure I will practice and perfect that step for all my days.

We were all open and willing to work it out. Who are we? Just a small group of people who somehow got hooked on the mastery, the Tai Chi, the chemistry of this dance. This class we had two leaders (one male, one female) and three followers. Some of us are dancers to the bone while others are simply fascinated that two people can learn to move as one. 

I am simply she who is trusted to “be in charge.” I collect the floor fee, I pay the rent. I manage the advertising, and the out reach. If there are no visiting teachers some might say I teach.

I feel as if I am always learning. I hope that I continue to be pleasant, kind, and encouraging.  I am very comfortable admitting my mistakes, owning my ignorance, and asking for help.  I am blessed to have had some very fine teachers and hope to meet many more. 

I wish you Tango! 

“Miss Ann”

The “Romance” in ArgentineTango.

I had three wonderful short dances a few nights ago before the screening of a new Argentine Tango film. 
The venue was very small, just room enough for two dancers on the floor at a time. Rather like dancing in a very long bathtub!

Everyone was elegantly dressed and happy! Those who arrived early were chatting by the door.

(Most at the door were the more experienced dancers from the host city.)  Late comers and out of town guests moved toward the back of the hall. 

The best part of that Milonga for me was talking with old dance friends, being surprised by who was there, meeting new friends and practicing my Spanish. 

All seemed Art Deco and perfect. Friends, new and old and I watched as different couples had a dance. As the Milonga was only to last an an hour and a half, and everyone wanted a least one dance, we were dancing one dance a couple. Of course i was wondering if I might have a turn on the floor.

I had my first dance with the host who waved and pointed at me across the crowded room. I pointed and myself - got the nod - and we had a lovely little Tango. 

(For those new to Argentine Tango - a Tango song is about 3 minutes long. In general, when asked to dance, you dance three dances with each partner, but there are always exceptions! ) 

My leader was very experienced and charming and he tried to dance with most all the women at the gathering. I was glad to be asked. However, it was nice to see my friends dancing as well. A new dancer came with me, and she really enjoyed watching how we dance, the steps and pivots, as well as the turns.

I was very happy that I had two more single song dances that night. For the first I struck up a conversation with a leader I had met at a class in St. A. He is new to the dance. I felt new my first year, and remembered my own feelings of being an outsider. Noticing he had been sitting alone for awhile, I asked him “Aren’t you dancing tonight?”.

I don’t recall his exact words, but I remember he minimized his skills, and informed me he was a beginner. I am always happy to dance, beginner or not. 

Sometimes I offer my truth which of late has been:  “I have been dancing with the wall a good deal.” before heading onto the floor. I am not making excuses for my ability - just giving fair warning. 

I have no idea if we were brilliant or bumbling - although I am sure we danced somewhere in between. My pleasure was the connection of Tango  - of knowing where to go, how fast, how far…. and feeling very lead by my partner. 

In fact, if a know the very experienced leaders from other Milongas, and they are welcoming and friendly, I will accept an invitation to dance. I too offer the “new dancer” disclaimer!  

A gracious leader doesn’t care how long you have been dancing - they want to share the song, the feeling of the dance, help you improve your Tango while sharing that special energetic connection of making art to music.

It was easy to relate to his comment/disclaimer, so I shared that I was open to a nice walk if he would like to dance. When I dance lead - my truth at present is that I can offer a nice walk - perhaps a few rock steps, maybe an ocho here and there, but I am a beginning lead and also feel as if I don’t have much to offer - except the joy of sharing the music.

So, we accepted each others invitations to Tango, and I am so glad we did. His posture was perfect, and his embrace provided that “connection” that makes all the steps unimportant. 

The embrace can be such a special communication. Without that, all the fancy steps I can do feel hollow to me. I would rather a connected walk around the floor than a Tango filled with planeos, and barridas. At songs end we each returned to our barstools to watch other Tangos. 

I was very happy to see another Tango friend, from Argentina! She arrived late for the dancing but in good time  for the film. She is such a bright personality, so encouraging of my Spanish - and willing to help me have conversations with others that I almost forgot about dancing.

She had found a new pair of shoes, and showed them to me. I thought they were indeed a good find, perhaps a subtle cue that she was prepared to dance? We talked a while, I was reintroduced to a dancer I met on Facebook. She also spoke Spanish and the three of us had a fine time. 



As the house lights flickered for the first time - I asked my Argentine friend if she would care to have a bit of a dance. It was a favor to me to practice leading - and as people were going for their seats, we had some room, not much of an audience, and therefore a dance. 

I think I was in stilettos and she in wedges, but the connection was immediate. She was a brilliant follower, loved the song as I did, and even thought we may have only had a few minutes of dancing, she was very happy.

I was very happy because we were able to share so much in those moments. The connection of Tango! I think she may have been surprised to find that she was a very good follower (or that I was such an awkward leader) but we had fun.

Tomorrow I will be hostess to an open floor for Argentine Tango. I will offer an Argentine Tango basics class to new dancers. (I am sure I have attended at least 30 of beginners classes with some very fine teachers, some World Class teachers  and know I am able to share what I have learned.) 

I will warm up, perhaps find a new balance exercise and hope to offer everyone the best time possible. We are to practice a new step - the ocho cortado. (Wish me luck!! ) 

Abrazos!!