Learning to Lead Argentine Tango • The journey continues!

I was able to travel to the University of Florida for their free Argentine Tango classes this Sunday. The beginners lesson was from 6:15 - 7:15 and the Intermediate class was from 7:15 - 8:15. It was well attended based on my experience. I suppose there were at least 20 students and an almost equal number of leaders & followers. 

I will always take a beginners class as there is always a new insight, a new way of understanding the dance, another teachers skill and formatting help me share the dance as well.  There are always new dancers to partner, and in so a new world of understanding with every dance in every class.

I enjoy dancing with beginners (I still consider myself to be one.) If I am able to lead a dancer who has had only two weeks of class successfully through a song, then I feel as if I really am improving as a leader.
Same gender dancing seems effortless on a college campus and I am very grateful for that. In my town there is still some resistance same gender dancing, but if you love the dance, the gender of your partner is not an issue. 
If you are in Jacksonville, Florida and would like to come out workshop with us, you are invited. We dance every Tuesday evening from 8:00 to 9:00 PM at 5049 Normandy Blvd in the 32205 zip code. 

I do not know the name of the instructor who offered the class this week, but I have had a lesson or two from her before. She has always provided me a valuable insights.

I like her style of teaching very much. She is straight forward and teaches the principle of movement, then we practise that principle with a partner. Next there is a rotation of partners, a new principle and more practise. 

I am now studying to lead. I have trained four years to follow. I did bring my “girl shoes” just in case there was a shortage of followers. However, no. Leaders were needed and all the students there were very gracious about having a dance with me. 

I was very glad at class end that the instructor offered me an observation. (Had I any sense I would have asked for more observations, and perhaps a Tango!!!)  

Her suggestion was that my lead not as grounded as it could be. She notice that I seemed to lead from the upper body (true) and that if I were more “into the floor” she felt that I would do much better. 

We had a short chat about grounding. She shared her observations of Argentina, people, culture and Tango to put her comments in perspective. I really look forward to applying them on Tuesday when we have our next practica. 

I believe that this grounding, the developing my relationship to the floor, of being more present, more mindfully connected to the floor as the foundation of movement, I will be able to transfer more energy to my partner and in so doing provide a more clear lead to take perhaps a back step. 

I was also happy to get another perspective on unwinding or “uncrossing” a partner from the crossed position. I asked a question about that process as a follower. When led to the cross I do not automatically transfer my weight from by right to my left foot. I wait for the lead to that transition and the follow the next invitation. 

There are some “spicy” steps that can happen in the crossed position as well as many options for the leader to invite the follower to make some dazzlingly easy patterns.  Yes, I leaned many a tip! I won’t bother to post them all. However as a leader I came to realize that following through - all the way through - after leading a step is very important. 

This concludes my Argentine Tango blog for today.

See you on the dance floor? 

Milonga Blues • The Morning After

At present, we do not have a milonga in my city. Dancers who pass through our little “drop in” dance group want one, but they don’t stay with us to dance on until we have a large enough dance family to host a milonga.  We are less than 10 on the dance floor.

To the story. 

I am always glad to get a ride to an out of town milonga, although sometimes this dance gathering can be an emotional roller coaster.

To become better at dancing Argentine Tango, one must dance Argentine Tango! One would think this truth would engender a bit of compassion for new dancers. For some people this is not true. 

To become better at Argentine Tango, it is best to dance with as many partners as possible so that you may improve your skills, create new body memories, challenge yourself and sometimes, have some of those magic moments of connection that make all the lessons and the practise vanish in the glow of a great tanda. 

It is customary in milonga culture for the leader (regardless of gender) to ask the follower to dance. I always suggest new dancers go to a milonga with dance friends from your own town.  

This way, if you don’t get asked for any dances from the local group you have someone to talk to or if you go with someone who will partner you, you know you will have tanda.*

It is customary to have three dances with each partner. The good news there is that even if you are off to a rocky start by the third dance you will have learned a bit more about each other by the third song.  

The bad news is that if you are stuck with a Tango bully, you have only two choices. You can swallow your pride, pray no one is watching and stick it out, or you can say “Thank You” and that should be the signal for the leader to take you back to your seat. 

Last milonga I attended was wonderful in so many ways. The host was very welcoming, offered a nice class to show a new step, and played fantastic music! Most every set brought dancers to the floor. 

Was I at my best? Not at all, however, I won’t become a better dancer if I don’t dance.  I had not been to a milonga for many (more that 4) months. I go to practica weekly and work on balance, posture, leading, following - all the basics as best I can however that is not the same as a fine dance party.   

At a milonga, everyone is nicely dressed, there may be wine, snacks, socializing with Tango friends or Facebook friends you have never met in person. A milonga can be a very happy social event with dancing! 

Here is the rub. There are often very well trained dancers there. Many of those dancers have been dancing for decades. Many have the money for private lessons which are very, very helpful. Privates can cost $75 an hour or more depending on the skill level and experience of the teacher. 

Many are able to go to Tango Weekends (again hundreds of dollars in class fees, hotels and travel costs put this out of the reach of many) and become even better dancers! Many are blessed to have a regular dance partner!

So, given that you may walk into a dance party with dancers of all skill levels, you can only do your best. 

A good leader will be aware of the skill level of his or her partner right away.  If an experienced leader chooses a new follower, that leader, if gracious, will accommodate the follower so that he or she can have a pleasant tanda.* 

To my mind, a milonga is best if those attending are willing to help new dancers improve as kindly and as gently as possible. One of the complaints I hear most often about Argentine Tango is that Argentine Tango dancers are condescending snobs.

I understand the complaint, and while I would not use that language, there are dancers who are so ill mannered that they really can crush a newcomer so badly that the new dancer does not want to come back! 

If you are new, and you are lucky, you will get a first dance with an experienced partner who helps you look good on the dance floor. That first dance may well determine your future for the evening. A kind partner will help you look good, will be present with, and will enjoy the music for the duration of the tanda. Others will see you at your best and may ask for a dance.

If you get a bully or a brat, you may not dance again that night. A demanding partner who holds what ever peculiar value, can make you look as if you have never danced before, as if you are incapable of an embrace, as if you have no skills and be emotionally cold all at once! 

I am still recovering from my encounter with a “Tango bully” at my last milonga. It was just awful. 

I only have three years experience, and my left foot wasn’t as strong as should have been due to turn on uneven pavement, and…………  but none of my short comings should matter.

I have no idea why my leader would not embrace me. (We were on am moving dance floor!). I attempted to step in to and embrace, but he stood there. I was instructed (never to be done on the dance floor) that I had to set the tone of the embrace. That I had to decide how closely I wanted to dance. 

Eventually we embraced, but it seemed to take hours to do so. I believe it was only three or four steps before my leader stopped, attempted to adjust the embrace, dropped my right hand… embraced again and four steps later the entire routine of disapproving my my embrace and posture was repeated. He would jiggle my right arm to indicate displeasure with the tension? 

This kind of stopping & attempting to adjust me in one way of the other went on for two songs. I have never been treated this way. I was embarrassed at best. Yet I made the conscious decision to remain. I stayed smiling, present, willing to learn what ever lesson was at hand and silently praying to the gods of Tango that at some moment my leader would either get over himself or return me to my seat. 

I had lost the inner composure to be able to walk away graciously. I was rather heartbroken. So, at the end of this disaster, he informed me that we did not dance well together. ( surprise! ) Perhaps he was one of those who thinks a person should only come to a milonga when they are somehow perfect at the dance. 

Perhaps he is accustomed to close embrace and cannot dance in salon style comfortably? Perhaps he has danced with his partner so long that he is accustomed to a certain style? I really have no idea why he was so condescending to me. We could have just walked a Tango. 

Luckily my dance friend had a fan and I could cover my face and my embarrassment to some degree. After that escapade I was fairly sure no one would ask me to dance again and it was early in the night. 

New followers, especially those who do really want to dance, who really want to learn and improve should be encouraged by leaders in my opinion. 

New leaders who are challenged to interpret music, their follower, mind the floor and Tango are worthy of applause in my opinion. This is a hard dance to learn. 

I recovered in short order. A visit to the powder room gave me the mental health break I needed to carry on. A milonga can last two or three hours. In many towns  there are more followers than leaders (seems in some cultures “Men don’t dance.”)  so women in my State are learning to lead as a matter of necessity. 

In my city women must lead if there is going to be any dancing at all. I confess I have been dancing lead weekly for the past three or four months and was looking forward to refreshing my skills as a follower. 

Luckily, as I have attended that milonga before leaders who knew me asked for some dances and I left feeling as if my dancing needed improvement. In Argentine Tango I am pretty sure that will always be the case. 

As a facilitator (not a teacher) in my Tango barren city I know that encouragement, reinforcing the best in a dancer, noticing improvements goes so much farther than scorn. Scorn and disdain really do not belong on the floor of a milonga. 

So, if you are a new follower and find yourself sitting at the milonga, consider my story and know that we can learn by watching, and being unasked may sometimes  be a blessing in disguise. 

Ever forward! 

PS:  All is forgiven of course. I am responsible for my own emotions, and that dance just hit me on a hard day.  

Sometimes it seems that people don’t stop to think that dancers come to milonga to enjoy themselves, to have some fun, to make some human connection. 

Sometimes we come for a moment of magic after a hard week, a death in the family, a disaster in the workplace. In other words we come and hope to leave our sorrows at the door!

Having experienced 6 minutes of correction & “education” on the dance floor I will not expand that experience to be relevant to Argentine Tango. I had too many fine moments with kind people and patient dancers to make that error. 

To all who have experienced the disdain of an “accomplished” dancer….. please keep dancing. Yes, those moments are hurtful, but the good dances yet to come are worth it. 

A “tanda” is a set of three Tango songs that are similar in style and tempo.  

“But You Have Boobs!” • The Joys of Dancing Argentine Tango

I have noticed that in some slices of American culture, dancing with your gender is not easily accepted, and in some towns it is just NOT Ok.  

As a female lead I most recently heard a follower (a woman) exclaim in amazement at my embrace: “But you have boobs!” I tried to avoid what could have been an awkward moment by commenting “Yes, I do. They have been there for quite some time.” 

I used that awkward moment to talk about the comfort levels of embrace in learning Argentine Tango. There are options to allow everyone to learn to be comfortable being held. So many of us are no longer used to simple human embrace.

In Argentine Tango we may use the Practice Hold (in which dancers connect by embracing at the forearms only),  the Salon Style Hold which is an open embrace that can be as open as is necessary for people to get used to being held, and the Milonguera Style Embrace which is very, very close indeed. 

Sometimes in the course of one song a couple may find they need to use all those different embraces to express the music. This demand for fluidity of movement is not for the timid, but for the joyful (and those who are willing to be open to “failure to perform perfectly”). 

We practice to be better dancers. We workshop not only to learn movement combinations, improve our balance, or techniques, we work to build muscle memory which is vital to this improvisational dance. 

We also come to develop a relationship with the music of Argentine Tango.  In so doing, many of us come to a deeper understanding of ourselves on many levels. 

In the “city” where I hold space weekly for Argentine Tango it is not at all uncommon for there to be one man or sometimes two men in a class of four or six women. 

Sometimes there are only women who come to learn Argentine Tango. No matter. I feel sure if we keep dancing, at some point, men will come to learn as well. 

The glorious good news about this dance is that the gender of your partner is not what is important. The connection with your partner is the vital essence.

In Argentine Tango there is the role of leader, and the role of follower. The language of the dance does not say there are men dancers and women dancers. 

There are many videos you can watch where men dance with men and women with women because those two people have come together to celebrate the dance, the joy, the energetic connection that is part of the movments and steps, the invitations and hesitations that make this one dance so remarkable. 

I realize that for many the idea of dancing with someone of your same sex will be unacceptable. If you are a man who wants to learn Argentine Tango in Jacksonville, Florida, rest assured, you will most likely find many female followers.

If you are a woman and you want to dance Argentine Tango in Jacksonville, Florida, then relax and learn with all of us. Practicing together will make us excellent dancers when we go to milongas. We will be familiar with the way leaders invite us to join them and we will be balanced and centered as we do. 

It may be a road trip to one of the lovely dances an hour or so south of town that will allow us to experience the “three minute romance” that is possible in the arms of a gentleman leader. 

The more we practice, the better partners we will be. Good dancers find that other Argentine Tango dancers will invite us onto the floor. It remains my pleasure to accept the invitation to dance from a leader of either gender. 

(In truth, one of the most amazing dances I have had to date was in the arms of a strong and brilliantly musical lead who took my breath away. She remains an inspiration to this day.) 

Wishing you Tango.

Argentine Tango! Those Blue Moon Moments.

I have learned that opening a dance floor for Argentine Tango requires determination, a willingness to dance with the wall, or to work solo on balance, pivots, and adornos in a mirrored hall. There are indeed evenings when no one is able to come dance Tango. 

This year I feel so fortunate to have found a dance floor within walking distance from my home. As well, I am able to afford to the rent, and so I may practice Argentine Tango every Tuesday from 8 pm - 9 pm. Of course I don’t want to dance alone. 

As this new venue is a proper dance hall, has off street parking, and is easy to find, more and more dancers are coming out to experience Argentine Tango.  This Tuesday three dancers who have danced on this floor before came to practice, there was one first time dancer, one dancer who has a few years experience in Argentine Tango.

The Blue Moon Moment? This Tuesday a very experienced leader came to the Open Floor as he was in need of Argentine Tango. (I understand this need very well!)  

I offered him the floor and asked if he would he care to teach. He politely declined and left me to it. Every week, as so many are new to this style of Tango, some having their very first encounter,  I offer an introduction to the basics of the dance. 

I discuss the “Four Relationships”, the one-footed principle, and this week, at the moment of my introducing the ‘one footed nature,’ to my great delight, our experienced dancer asked to participate with me, and help me show the importance of ‘one footedness.’

It was wonderful. He explained the importance of being one footed, and I partnered his explanation. So, those present were able to hear and to see Argentine Tango in process. The why of ‘one footedness’ was immediately apparent. 

Our visiting leader showed forward and backwards walking steps, the pivots, ochos and pauses while sharing his passion for the dance, and for the non verbal relationship which can indeed be the “passion” of Argentine Tango particularly when danced by a man & a woman.  

All this was wonderful to hear. Clearly, our visitor came from a culture where men dance. It was hard for him to believe that he was looking at the only open floor Argentine Tango group meeting in what is geographically the largest city in the United States. 

Further, when he realized that I danced the role of leader more often than I follow, he was incredulous. Ever the gentleman he finished his explanation and returned me the class. 

All who came to listen had an introduction (or review) of the importance of “shift weight in place”, the side step, the forward and backward walk with the emphasis one allowing your partner a place to step. After steps and practices in front of the mirror, we chose partners and danced. 

Those who have had several lessons partnered with those who had never danced. Our visiting dancer (I hope he returns!) danced with everyone. 

Now - some people comment that those who dance Argentine Tango are “snobbish” about the dance. I have not had this experience very often.  

I have been to one milonga where, after a two hour drive to attend, and after dancing with everyone in the one hour class, I sat the wallflower for two hours hoping for a dance. I had one tanda. I did not feel welcomed, and so I haven’t hurried back. 

I will try again another time of course.  Every group can have an off night, every teacher an off day. If we are kind and remember that we are on a journey together - I feel sure the journey will be joyful. 

As I type now, I remember the kindness shown me by experienced leaders, and experienced followers who gave me vital tips. In fact, most all the people I have met have been very, very kind indeed. 

To return to the evening, as the class time was ending, I asked our visitor if I might have a dance. I put my “girl shoes” on (I dance lead in a jazz shoe now) and was very happy to accept his instruction as how best to embrace. 

I am 5’2’’ barefoot and 5’6” in a stiletto. I am short anyway you shake it, and he was taller than I. However, as an experienced dancer, his advice on how best to embrace was impeccable.  So we danced. 

I can’t tell you the song, but I can tell you that I experienced the delight of the union, the passion and the magic that happens when one surrenders to the dance itself. I have not had a good dance for awhile now, and to be invited to gaucho, to molinette, to offer adornos, to move across the floor in the embrace of a skilled Tanguero was a pleasure indeed. I was glowing. 

Sadly no one caught the moment on video….. but I wil remember that dance for as long as my memory endures.  I have no idea if I missed a step, should have offered a boleo here or there, I was lost in the moment of this dance.

If you care to join us we dance every Tuesday at  SDS Performance Arts Center located at 5049 Normandy Blvd, Jacksonville, Florida 32205. We dance from 8 PM - 9 PM. 

There is a $10 Floor Fee to help pay rent, cover costs, purchase supplies, and one day in the not to distant future, host a milonga! 

Visit us on Facebook to see all sorts of useful videos, and to stay up to date with Argentine Tango dances in Florida.

Buying Tango Shoes • How D'Rasa Changed Everything for the Better!

When I first started to study Argentine Tango I was not willing to invest in high dollar dance shoes. I really wasn't sure this was the dance for me. 

Feeling prudent, I bought the least expensive dance style shoe I could find. (Did you guess?) I bought the “Character Shoe” which seems to be a Broadway staple. 

This Character Shoe is a closed toe Mary Jane style shoe with a very low heel. There are not many stores that have a wide selection of Tango shoes in my city and, as I said, I wasn’t sure at all about the dance. 

After one or two classes, I knew I had found a movement, an exercise, a challenge, a dance that was so much more than steps and patterns. I found a challenge of posture, and balance. I found a dance that called for the best of me in so many ways - and I was very, very happy. 

I began to notice the shoes that experienced dancers wore. Most all had the open toe style and most had a higher heel than I was wearing. Most all student dancers had shopped at the local “Dance” wear shoppes and some shopped on line. 

The teacher, a professional dancer and instructor, had top of the line leather Argentine Tango shoes which I shop if I could get to Clearwater, or Miami. As those were not options at the time, my second pair was a very nice shoe at $100 or so. It was an open toed, low heeled sandal style and I spent a year or more “falling off” them.  

What I did not understand at the time was this:

Tango shoes are like very fine tools. I needed the right tool for the joy of dancing Argentine Tango. Over the months, I tried on a variety of shoes - 2” heels (which were too low) then a 2 1/2” heel (again too low)  then a 3” heel and sadly, not the shoe but much closer! 

I was still not feeing balanced, fleet of foot, and I kept “losing” the connection with my partner. Partners really do not like the disconnect at all, regardless of role or gender. 

I did not realize that the pitch of my shoe had a good deal to do with my ability to maintain connection as a follower. 

Fortunately after a year or so I was able to go to a Milonga in Titusville, Florida. There were tables and tables of lovely hand made shoes in all styles and all heel sizes.  (In a street shoe, I wear a 6 and it has been my custom over the years to wear a flat shoe.) 

To my surprise, when presented with all the styles and heel sizes at this Milonga, I found out that what I had been missing was a lovely 4” stiletto in a size 5. My surprise! The shoes fit perfectly, my feet did not hurt at all, my posture was perfect and I was suddenly lightening fast!

I chose the D’Rasa brand and ordered the shoe with extra padding. All was custom, so I added a leather sole and a few special touches.  All my previous shoes had come from ballroom stores and a suede sole was really the only option presented to buy there.  A suede sole does give me “purchase” on the dance floor. 

Secretly, I had wondered how the dancers I saw on YouTube and in various videos were able to be lightening fast, to pivot on a dime, and to have such elegant footwork. Of course there is no discounting years of practice - but once I put on the leather soled shoes, my pivots improved immediately. 

In fact, my Tango posture improved as well for two reasons. The first is that the height of the heel - which many find amazing - helps align my body just right. My shoulders are over my hips which are over my knees and those over the metatarsus of my foot.

As well, the pitch of the shoe made it very, very easy to be forward - to connect with my partner. There was a great difference in the pitch of that hand made Colombian D’Rasa dance shoe vs. the pitch of the Latin dance shoes I had purchased and worn time and again.

Today, if I want to work on leading in heels, I will wear a suede sole. If I am going to dance as a follower, then I want all the speed and grace and perfect pivot that the well crafted leather soled shoe has to offer. 

Recently a new dancer who had been dancing in socks or in a worn rubber sole was able to borrow a high heeled shoe. I think the she may well have a 3 1/4” heel, but it is hard to tell as her first shoe is something of a platform sole. A good dance shoe will have a flexible leather sole. 

For gentlemen with nice leather Oxford style shoes - that sole is likely much too thick to help you “feel the floor” when you are dancing. The upper leather is often very stiff and restricts your movement so that you cannot have the same experience with Tango as you would in a proper gentleman’s Tango shoe. 

For followers, the platform is not at all helpful as this too disconnects you with your primary partner - the floor! Of course if that is what you have to bring, please come along! 

The dancer who experienced Argentine Tango while wearing a high heeled shoe for the first time was immediately a better dancer.  The heel height and the pitch of the shoe enabled her to be more present with her leader. 

If one must dance in a flat - I often wear a jazz shoe - it is necessary that as we elongate the spine, we come off the floor a bit. 

This is simply not a flat footed dance. (Remember now - this is my experience with Argentine Tango - yours may be quite different. You may have more experience, have been able to take more classes, or to attend weekend workshops. I often feel as if I am dancing in the desert here, so my observations may required a bit of watering - some nurturing.) 

This does not mean we dance on tip toe…. but if you watch fine dancers in heels or not - you will see the follower will “come up” off her heels and more onto the metatarsi of her foot to be able to be present wth the follower and to execute some of the more advanced steps with grace. 

You are welcome to come dancing with us in socks, sneakers, the finest dance shoes money can buy -  you are welcome.  

One value of the group I dance with is that all are welcome. We are too small for cliques, better than/lesser than dancers. 

Everyone dances - although some choose to dance alone to improve a step or to work on balance.

If you choose to join the class where I dance, we all take turns at leading and following and workshopping ocho cortados and adornos as we may. 

I am a week late in posting - and the good news for next blog is the list of a new gentleman dancer! 

Abrazos! 

Argentine Tango - Breakthroughs in Awareness on a Tuesday Evening

Four people came to dance Argentine Tango on Tuesday night, two ladies and a gentleman. I facilitate as “she who has been dancing longest” as best I can. I learn so much every time we workshop and Tuesday we all had breakthroughs and awakenings of all kinds. 

As a child I picked up the habit of paying strict attention to what was before me to study. Regardless of the subject, I realized that the words of teaching were the backdrop for the realization of the experience of the lesson. 

I have learned much about Argentine Tango by actively watching the masters at dance. I have learned by watching myself practice dance in mirrors. I am excited now that by sharing and helping others learn that I am helped to improve my Tango as well as my ability to articulate and thus to grasp essences of the dance that I could not previously express. 

I hold an open floor in a large city that may well remain “The Desert” for this lovely walking dance. We have become a stable group of four - perhaps 5 for the moment. If you stumbled across this blog, and have no visual reference to Argentine Tango, I will include a dance at page end for your review. 

Some of us have good dance shoes, most are dancing in socks or a street shoe that makes the learning all the more difficult. Still, we carry on. Of course I do hope everyone will be able to manage to have dance shoes in the near future so that only good muscle memory is developed, but we work with what we have. I do think that a good shoe will help those who are falling off balance improve. 

I am very pleased that in group all are welcome. We have leaders and followers and any gender may dance with any gender. I dance lead more often than not, I dance follower to help a new lead understand the impact of their movements. The women in our group dance with each other more often than not, learning both lead and follow. 

I have strayed from the topic of the breakthroughs. 

Once dancer learned that at present close embrace is the best posture for dancing. Close embrace enables a more secure connection, and as this dancers balance is not yet well established, nor the idea of the axis has not yet been made fully clear (I know it takes time to find, and then time to perfect the ability to remain on axis throughout a dance) close embrace makes it easier to lead and follow. 

One dancer realized that when posture is erect, is tall, the spine is elongated that there is more room to take a long back step. This dancer had not fully appreciated the benefit of being “upright”. So - we had a bit of dance as to see why there was trouble in a lead and follow moment. 

I invited the dancer to “be tall.” To extend her body upward and to dance as if suspended from the ceiling by a string. Instantly, that dancers Tango improved. She was much easier to lead… her back step was a lovely glide. There was no hesitation as she was able to “hear” the lead, or you could say to feel the lead. 

This subtle lifting of her carriage made a great difference, and the she was able to realize, to take to the bone, the words that all of us hear time and again when taking our beginner lessons. 

The final awakening was mine - although I shared this with another dancer. We woke up to the same idea each in a different way. The concept was “The Connnection”. 

When leading, I kept “losing” her. I could not “feel” her present with me, and so I could not lead her, nor could she follow. Problem solving this matter, with his dancer as all are different, took some time and challenged me to be able to express connection in better English that I have used in the past. 

In the past I spoke in energetic terms…. but this was not helpful for her. 

To Teach/Learn/Establish connection it was necessary to demonstrate the physicality of the embrace, the importance of being present, of being in someones space, of holding and feeling held. So we had to work on “noodle arms” and to fix the passive embrace where the follower was only physically there - not engaged, not connected, not willing or able to be willing to listen.

So as we danced I had to point out that the follower had “lost the connection.” Her question was “How did I do that? “ I won’t type out for you all the language I used to describe connection, the goal of it, the purpose of it……. but I will share that the language I found that worked for us - that made the point clear is this.

“Connection is the distance that both dancers agree to keep between themselves.” I went on to say that this could be as few a no inches, or 4 inches, 12 inches etc.,  but that what ever distance was created in the embrace once that embrace was established as comfortable for both, was the connection distance. Now - as we were only working on walking as a couple, please know that his statement was given in that context to enable that dancer to stay present with that leader. 

(I do realize that many come to the dance floor with PTSD issues, and that it can take time for a dancer to establish trust in the embrace.  I hope all teachers remember that we come to Tango without shoes, from a history of violence or verbal humiliation, from a place where holding is not at all natural. )

This statement about a measurable fact worked. Of course it did not speak to the emotion between dancers, the magic of the artistic connection, however, those ideas were not critical on Tuesday night. 

So - she was able to be mindful of distance, and in so doing to feel the connection for the first time. I was a able to realize that esoteric talk about an emotional/physical event was not always useful and to add a new description to my efforts. 

I thank all my teachers!! 

Please know - I am not at all an Argentine Tango dance instructor… I remain "she with most time on the floor" and am still hoping for a partner. 5’ 6” to 5’ 8” would be lovely.